Why I do this thing called "blogging?"

I love when I have a morning to read blogs. I get to catch up with family and friends. I get to connect with other adults who are just as busy as I am with kids or work or church or whatever.
I love that I have something to talk about when we do finally see them in person. (once a year or once a month?)

Even more though, I want my children to know and see the things that happened around here.
I have never been good at keeping a journal.
I don't enjoy the pressure of a scrapbooks.

By pressure I mean
keeping photos in order,
having a book for each child,
documenting every recital,
bruise and athletic accomplishment.
Not to mention making each page look fantastic....

BUT blogging I can do....I have done.

I am comfortable putting thoughts and feelings here.

I have never been comfortable
putting thoughts and feelings
in an empty lined page book.

I have a different perspective with my blog in mind.
I look at what is good,
what is cute,
what is inspiring
and what is fun.

The one time I got mad at Jay and wrote down my feelings
(I emphasize mad and wrote down feelings)
It took me a long time to get over it.
A. long. time.
If I still remember every detail am I really over it?
Or do I remember it because I wrote every irking detail down?

I have forgotten most other times I have become mad over whatever little thing Jay has done, said or not done.

I like remembering everything being perfect. I like thinking this life of ours is good, fun, uplifting and maybe a few hiccups sprinkled in.


BUT the most driving reason I keep posting is for my Mom.
The one who made me who I am.
The one who taught me to like things to be perfect.
Enjoy the beautiful things.
Look at the positive....She still does.

6 years ago, She was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.
It was a surprise but we had NO idea what the future held.
She lost her mobility very quickly.
It is hard to travel and even harder not to.

She can't watch her kids be parents and her grandchildren be kids like most get to.
BUT she can watch them grow in every post I make.

We can't go shopping looking for the perfect dishes or the cutest accessory
BUT she is still thoughtful and can order the cutest tractor silverware for my picky eater.

We are not side by side in the kitchen making cookies or Thanksgiving dinner,
BUT I feel her by my side as I make the recipes she has posted to her blog.

She continues to teach me, inspire me and love me
even though it is not the way my fairy tale mind had it all planned out.

As mother's day comes every year I think about her last pregnancy.
It was somewhat of a surprise.
A welcomed one, that ended in the 5th month, when she lost the baby.
I was in the fourth grade.
I liked peeking at the brand new turquoise satin blanket still in the plastic all ready in bottom drawer of her dresser.
For years I kept track of how old my little sister would be.
My Grandma, her mother in law, sent her some money after the loss to buy herself something nice.
Mom purchased and planted a dogwood tree.
I thought it was so little.
I liked big climbing trees.
But once it bloomed it had my eternal attention.
It was stunning.
Just like motherhood
It had the most glorious moments when it elegantly flowers.
But just like motherhood
It is not always about the beautiful flowers
the leaves change....

I learned a lot from her planting that tree. And even though the flowers are not blooming the whole year through, that is what I remember most about that tree.


(The above picture is a print from IKEA. It is like the photographer took it right out of my mind. Soon to be framed and hung)

MS Walk 2010

I am so grateful for everyone who donated to help us surpass our goal of $500 by raising $650 for team CPK.

Goal: $500.00 Achieved: $650.00

I "tried harder" this year AND increased our donation support from last year by more than double.
I put off getting the team together and fund raising thinking many times how much easier it would be to just go and walk like I did the first year.

MS Walk 2008

Or get a few friends, some family to show up and a donation sprinkled in here and there, like last year.
MS Walk 2009
But I needed to try harder.
Not just for me but for my children.

The girls and I talked a lot about why we were asking for support through these donations and what that money would accomplish. It was a little scary for them at first, but they got in their little Barbie jeep and tooted around the block knocking on doors. They were so excited to come home with their envelopes of money.

Both Ashtyn and Alayna donated their own hard earned money as well.

Ashtyn donated all she had. I was pleased she did.

I was even more impressed when she realized
what she donated was the exactly the amount
it would cost for a particular toy she has been
wanting for months. I watched her think about it,
yearn for it and it was a little painful for her.
She knew she could just pull her money out
of the envelope and take it with us to the store.
It was satisfying to see her quickly overcome
the temptation and decide to put off her
consumer gratification.

Alayna has a hard time walking and keeping up. Not for physical reasons, but lack of desire.
With no "FUN" destination (meaning Disney Land or pool of chocolate pudding with colorful twisty slides) to entice her, she was dragging her feet after the first 75 yards. That is when we talked about who we were walking for. We talked about how much Grandma would love to be able to walk this 5K

and then we talked about the many people walking (or being pushed in a wheelchair or riding a scooter) next to us who live with MS and how it makes the body not work the same as hers.

She decided were walking for those who can't AND walking because she can was o.k. even though it was long and hot.

We also came up to a park where she was given a pinwheel and some oranges. She got a good burst of energy and something to keep her busy while walking.

I also have to thank Julie, Emily's mother in law
and Malissa, Emily's sister in law for keeping tabs on her
and cheering her on. They were so helpful.

Each year this walk becomes more and more important to me.

These are just some of the lives this disease affects.

It is hard to hold back the tears when you see bibs like these


or shirts that say...

But gratifying to see my children working to help find a cure. Gratifying watching my children learning to serve their family and community.

AND THE WINNER OF THE FOOTBALL TICKETS!
ValLynn Bauer

MS Walk 2010

This year I need to try harder to make our Walk MS team a success. AND I have been a slacker... with only a few days before the walk I need some help...

My mom was diagnosed with MS around the time Alayna was born. I have said this many times... but the diagnosis was quite a blow. Everything I had imagined my future to be, everything my parents had imagined their future to be had changed. The disease has been devastating to the entire family.
Currently my mom is not mobile. It takes all her energy to get from her bed to the sofa using a scooter. There have been times when she doesn't make it and has to be picked up off the floor. She does not enjoy the effects of MS but tries to find the positive.

She enjoys reading blogs and contributing to her own. You can read it here, leave a comment you stopped by or invite her to check your blog. She feels blogging takes away parts of her disease. Since being diagnosed her ability to control her crying has been lost. She gets embarrassed and does not like what she calls her "ugly cry".
When she blogs, She is able to read and feel connected to friends and loved ones, without insecurities.
She is able to relay memories, recipes and feelings she has to her children and friends. I love her blogs. Not just for the information, but also for the glimpses I get of the woman who raised me.

Click on the following to join our team (Team CPK) or to DONATE.(it's tax deductible) To learn a little more about Multiple Sclerosis please click here

MS Walk

I have wanted to be a part of this for a few years now but have not put the effort to do so, One year it was on Alayna's birthday and last year I missed it by a week so this year I decided NO excuses I will walk. I was very surprised by how emotional it was for me. Having my mom diagnosed with MS 4 years ago, made the emotions even stronger. Emily and I made a team in honor of mom (team CPK) and barely made the deadline. Chad and the kids went with us but I missed the online deadline to get them listed as team members. Next year I am going to be way more on the ball so mark your calendars and plan to walk for MS next April. When you sign up a team they give you all this information on fundraising and suggestions on how to help raise money for the research. The MS society does a great job putting this together. They have prizes for teams with the most funds raised, teams with the craziest costumes, etc....One team was full of star wars characters. It was so inspiring to see husbands pushing their wives (and vice versa) in wheel chairs. Lots of kids riding for people they know with MS. There was one cute team named "Fix my mommy" that about broke my flood gate.(tears) This is such a horrible ugly disease that needs a cure. I hope we find one soon. I love my mom and cherish every visit I get to have with her and every moment she touches my children's lives. Even with MS she amazes me with what she does with my children. I look forward to every visit and how each one makes me a better mother and wife. After the walk we watched others cross the finish line and the joy it was for them. I am so grateful for my health and for so many who work to fight this disease! Thanks Ashley for putting together the Boise team, it means so much. I wish I could join all of you this weekend!

Chad and Emily with our herd of kids before the walk started. Had to get a pic with Darth. He even sounded just like him...OOooohhh creepy! :). He had to have been dying of the heat, his mask had condensation or something on the inside. It was a warm day, but especially for the ones in full costume. (Hope it wasn't a rental....)