Planning My Funeral

A little while ago, a man stopped by our house and offered to do some "Final Arrangement Planning" I am not sure where I was, but he made an appointment with Jay for a short presentation of his product. "A Funeral Planner"....I HATE funerals!

Jay wants to be prepared financially.
He knows there are certain things
you need to be prepared for.
Taxes and Death.....
He also agrees to kirby carpet shampooing,
Meat sales, cookies, pies, potatoes, books, oil changes
and ANYTHING else one might be selling at your door.

So appointment day arrives and Mr. "Reaper" calls "Would you mind if we move our appointment up an hour? I am sooooo busy right now because what I am providing is in such demand, I have many people who want to talk to me tonight" I think "wow, a little arrogant but sure." Great we will get in and out in no time and he can get to his next appointment. (Original appt 7pm, new appt 6pm)

Jay regretting his compliance to this man
schedules an "important call" for 7pm
We have a "times up" excuse for him to leave.

Mr. "Reapers" premature punctuality did not help...He sat in the front room waiting while I started dinner for the kids and Jay finished his commuter phone calls.

We meet in the front room to start...
He requests a kitchen table......
I'm annoyed....

He starts with questions...."Have you ever had anyone close to you die?" "Have you ever had anyone close to you die unexpectedly?" "How did that make you feel?" "Were you involved in their funeral planning?" "Do you think it is important for your loved ones to not be stressed at the time you die?"

2 binders of flip charts were making me nervous and 10 minutes into his "presentation" Jay cut to the chase... How much money are we talking and where do you get your cut?
He played cool, acted as though he had never been asked this question.
"Well I've never done a presentation this way before...." And flipped past a few pages on the chart and proceeded to tell us the 68 things that MUST be done.... (I have an extra copy of the Personal and Family Planning Book with ALL 68 things, if anyone needs it) wink wink.

Now don't get me wrong. I believe that this is an important matter. This is a great plan for those who are in this market and who have the budget. But for Mr. "Reaper" he did not understand his prospective clients. When he asked me how I felt about funerals and I said holding back tears "I don't like them, I don't go to them if they aren't a close relative/friend and I especially don't like talking about them."

Mr. "Reaper" continued to get us to imagine if we died today, who would speak? who would Plan? Who would do it if we both died?

With images of my two baby girls veiling my face, flashing. Unsure of their own future without a their mother, tears fill my eyes.
The only way for me to keep it together and not let the dam of tears break flooding my kitchen. I ask "Do those caskets come in animal print?"

Mr. Reaper, not sure if I was serious? Was not amused.

Jay and I continued to keep things light. His 'important call' came and Mr. Reaper, patiently waited for him to finish......

2 hours later....
He jumped up from the table and "stomped" like a child (not like my children, they don't stomp. But like a dramatic child performing a fit on a stage). He was mad and was going to show it.

We stayed in our chairs at the kitchen table....Our bodies giving an involuntary jolt as he slammed the front door, not sure what to think....We went over what happened.

Man comes to sell caskets and cemetery lots to 34 and 31 year olds.
Said people don't feel they should spend $16,000 (EACH) on said product at this stage in their life. Salesman stomps out of the house like a 2 year old?

We laugh, but I really want to cry.
I hate the thought of leaving my husband, kids is so.....uncomfortable.

I know I will die.
I know Jay will die.

Hopefully not for a long time....but if it is sooner than later I hope my children know how much I love them. How happy they make me. How much I love watching them discover, grow, love, succeed, fail, and overcome their challenges. Each one is an amazing spirit and will do amazing things. I am so happy to be their mother. When it comes to our funeral. It doesn't matter who speaks or what they say, It doesn't matter what song is playing at my viewing. Don't spend much on the ceremony and I don't really want animal print lining my casket. Just know how much my family (all of them) means to me. I am so grateful for the gospel and I can't wait for everyone to be together in the eternities.

And if I die before Jay, please help him....get him a no soliciting sign for our front door. Thanks ;)


Wendy said...

Ha, ha ha! We met with the same guy!! He sort of stomped out of here too but since we left him hanging-pending what our financial adviser recommended about his funeral plan-he tried to stomp quietly.
I HATE funerals and think all the money spent is a load of CRAP! James asked if he could get buried in the mountains a sort of do it yourself deal-Mr. Reaper-not amused.
Anyway, our fiance guy said-no way! At our age (and you're even younger) we can get much better rates with life insurance.
I'm just so glad to hear we weren't the only one that had him in our house for OVER two hours!

Tyler and Sheree said...

Why? Why put yourselves through that. "Help me help you". . . just say NO! LOL!

katie t said...

i can not believe you even said "ok" to that apt!?!?!